Games People Play

When things aren't going well, its all too easy to act childish and toy with your partner.Trust me - that won't get you anywhere. Toying just makes you focus on your problems instead of figuring out how to make things better.

• Don't act mean-spirited and say things just to hurt him.
• Don't focus on finding fault with everything he does.
• Don't keep score of who did or didn't do what.
• Don't fight about unimportant things.
• Don't make excuses like "i have a headache, lets not talk about this tonight" or "i'm too depressed to deal with this".
• Don't get caught up in sabotage group. These friends are having similar problems wth their mates, so you complain to each other. Since these complaints hold your group together, you fear changing because you'll lose your seat at the party.

LOVE SMART -Dr. Phil McGraw

(page260)

Back To Basics

We all have needs, and part of a relationship and wanting to be close to someone is that this person fulfills these needs. It would seem there are seven basic categories of needs.

• v  Survival: What do you have that helps him survive and live better?
• v  Security: He wants to know that you’ll be loyal to him, that you won’t cheat on him. He wants know he’s got a soft place to fall.
• v  Affection: He wants to be shown love in various ways, from simply rubbing his back to sex.
• v  Self-esteem: He wants to know you’re proud of him.
• v  Acknowledgement:  He wants to be heard and to know that you value his opinion.
• v  Smart enough: He wants to know that you have faith in him.
• v  Purpose in life: He wants you to help him do something that’s bigger than himself that makes him feel he’s adding to welfare of the world.

LOVE SMART – Dr. Phil McGraw

(page 248)

The 80% Solution

The 100% candidate doesn't exist. That's right ; the perfect fit is a myth right up there with pain-less dentistry and painless waxing. Instead of wasting time searching for exact match, look for the guy who is free of deal breakers and has 80% of what you want in a partner. The other 20% you can grow.

_________________________________________________________________

Life is a compromise. Relationships are a compromise. Does that mean you should give up on the 20% you dont like? No way. You work on it. And if all you ever get is 80% of the missing 20%, take my word, you are going to be married and happy for a long time.

p/s : via Love Smart (page 29)